This morning.
Me, knocking on the bathroom door,"Who's in there?"
From behind me, Collin, "Connor's in there."
Me, "Connor? Hurry up."
From the other side of the bathroom door,"Beep. Connor is currently unavailable at the moment. If you would please leave a message he'll get back to you."
3 Monkeys
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Fire Water
We have a small outdoor fire pit. And tonight was the first fire of the season. It was me and the boys sitting around after dinner watching the last log turn to embers when I said it was time to go inside. The boys wanted to put it out because they were worried about catching the house on fire. I assured them that it was too far away and too low and besides we didn't have any water nearby to pour on it, what did they want to do? Pee on it? Never ask a sarcastic question. They all wanted to pee on the fire.
Me,"No it stinks, why would you want to do that?"
Ian,"I've been holding it so I could."
Me, "What?!?"
Ian,"Sure it would be cool."
Me,"Fine. Go ahead, but I am warning you now that it smells God awful"
So Ian unzips, Connor & Collin start to as well.
Me" Wait, hold on, what do you two think you're doing?"
"We want to too"
"You'd have to stand to close to hit it. No"
Ian,"Yeah, back up and don't look."
Me," If you are going to out here, they can look."
Ian is all ready to go and let's fly. Smoke everywhere. It smells like somebody burned down the outhouse. We have some rose bush branches that were clipped earlier, so I throw those on with some leaves to kill the smell.
The boys are laughing like crazy. I'm cussing about the stink and tell them that noboby else is peeing on the fire. Collin is almost dancing, "Please Daddy?"
"Fine, whatever. How much can there be? Just stand back."
So, Collin unzips, aims, and pees right over the top of the fire pit on to Ian's leg. Ian just stood there stunned for a second then says," Oh my God! He's peeing on me!" He's not moving and Collin's not readjusting the flow. Then Ian starts dancing out of the way. Collin is laughing so hard he's peeing everywhere. None of it on the fire pit.
Ian" Ew! Gross! My leg is wet!"
I am surprised I didn't pass out from laughing so hard.
Me,"No it stinks, why would you want to do that?"
Ian,"I've been holding it so I could."
Me, "What?!?"
Ian,"Sure it would be cool."
Me,"Fine. Go ahead, but I am warning you now that it smells God awful"
So Ian unzips, Connor & Collin start to as well.
Me" Wait, hold on, what do you two think you're doing?"
"We want to too"
"You'd have to stand to close to hit it. No"
Ian,"Yeah, back up and don't look."
Me," If you are going to out here, they can look."
Ian is all ready to go and let's fly. Smoke everywhere. It smells like somebody burned down the outhouse. We have some rose bush branches that were clipped earlier, so I throw those on with some leaves to kill the smell.
The boys are laughing like crazy. I'm cussing about the stink and tell them that noboby else is peeing on the fire. Collin is almost dancing, "Please Daddy?"
"Fine, whatever. How much can there be? Just stand back."
So, Collin unzips, aims, and pees right over the top of the fire pit on to Ian's leg. Ian just stood there stunned for a second then says," Oh my God! He's peeing on me!" He's not moving and Collin's not readjusting the flow. Then Ian starts dancing out of the way. Collin is laughing so hard he's peeing everywhere. None of it on the fire pit.
Ian" Ew! Gross! My leg is wet!"
I am surprised I didn't pass out from laughing so hard.
Monday, October 10, 2011
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